Just ask. That’s what he’s there for.
Your priest expects these conversations. He wants them, actually. Fasting isn’t something the Church hands you as a fixed rulebook and says “good luck.” It’s a healing discipline that gets applied to your actual life, with your actual body, your actual work schedule, your actual health conditions. And your priest is the one who helps you figure out how.
Why You Need This Conversation
The Orthodox Church has fasting rules. Wednesdays and Fridays year-round. Great Lent. The Nativity Fast. The Apostles’ Fast. Before receiving Communion. If you tried to read all the rules online, you’d find charts and calendars that look intimidating. Maybe impossible.
But here’s what those charts don’t tell you: your priest has something called economia. It’s pastoral discretion. He can adapt the fasting rule to fit your circumstances because the goal isn’t perfect rule-keeping. The goal is healing. The Antiochian Archdiocese puts it plainly in their fasting materials: we “combine fasting with prayer, almsgiving, spiritual reading” as medicine for soul and body. Medicine gets prescribed by a doctor. Your priest is your spiritual father, and he prescribes the dose.
What to Actually Say
Don’t overthink this. You’re not bothering him.
Call the church office or catch him after Liturgy and say you’d like to talk about fasting. He’ll probably smile because it means you’re taking this seriously. Then when you sit down, be specific. Tell him what’s actually going on in your life.
Working twelve-hour shifts at the refinery? Tell him. You’re up at 4 a.m., physical labor all day, and you’re worried you’ll pass out if you don’t eat. He needs to know that.
Pregnant or nursing? That’s exactly the kind of thing he’ll adjust for. Type 1 diabetic? Taking medications that require food? Recovering from surgery? Caring for small kids and barely keeping your head above water? Say so. The Church has been around for two thousand years. Your priest has heard it all, and the tradition has wisdom for all of it.
If you’re brand new to Orthodoxy, tell him that too. He’s not going to hand you the full monastic rule on day one. Fr. Alexander Schmemann wrote about fasting as something we grow into, and most priests will start you with something manageable. Maybe one meatless day a week. Maybe just Wednesdays during Lent. Something you can actually do.
What He’ll Ask You
Your priest will probably want to know a few things. What’s your health like? What does your work require physically? Are there family situations that complicate fasting? (A non-Orthodox spouse who’d be hurt if you suddenly refused to eat meals together, for instance.)
He might ask what you’re hoping to get out of fasting. That’s not a trick question. He’s trying to understand where you are spiritually so he can guide you well. Fasting isn’t about impressing God with your willpower. It’s about making space for prayer, weakening the hold of your appetites, remembering that you need God more than you need comfort.
And he’ll give you something concrete. Not vague encouragement, but actual direction. “Fast from meat and dairy on Wednesdays. See how that goes. We’ll talk again in a month.” Or “Given your work schedule, let’s focus on the prayer rule and almsgiving right now, and we’ll add fasting when things settle down.” He’s your spiritual father. He knows you can’t do everything at once.
When You Need to Go Back
This isn’t a one-time conversation. Life changes. You get pregnant. You get diagnosed with something. Your job shifts to night rotation. You start fasting and realize it’s going better than you thought, or worse than you thought, or it’s fine physically but you’re not sure it’s doing anything spiritually.
Go back. Talk to him again. This is normal. St. Paul told the Corinthians that he fed them milk, not solid food, because they weren’t ready yet. Your priest understands that spiritual life has stages. What’s right for you now might not be right for you in two years, and what’s right for you might not be right for the person in the pew next to you.
If you’re struggling, say that too. Fasting can bring up stuff. You might realize how much you use food for comfort, how irritable you get when you’re denied something you want, how little control you actually have over your appetites. That’s the point, but it’s hard. Your priest can help you work through it, or he can dial things back if it’s becoming spiritually harmful rather than helpful.
The Real Reason for the Conversation
Here’s the thing. You’re not just getting permission or a customized rule. You’re learning to have a spiritual father. That’s how Orthodoxy works. We don’t do this alone. We’re not Protestants with a Bible and a personal relationship and nothing else. We’re not Catholics submitting to a distant Pope. We’re Orthodox, and that means we’re in relationship with a priest who knows us, prays for us, and guides us.
Talking to him about fasting teaches you to trust his guidance. It teaches you humility because you’re admitting you don’t have this figured out on your own. And it teaches you that the Church isn’t a set of rules, it’s a hospital. You’re the patient. He’s helping the Physician heal you.
So call him. This week, if you can. Tell him you’d like to talk about fasting. He’s waiting for that conversation. And you’ll be glad you had it.
