Confess your sins. That’s the short answer. But if you’re new to Orthodoxy, you probably need more than that.
You confess sins of thought, word, and deed. This means actions you’ve done that you shouldn’t have, words you’ve said that were cruel or false or idle, and thoughts you’ve entertained that pulled you away from God. It also means things you didn’t do. The good you failed to show. The prayer you skipped. The person you ignored. Orthodox confession isn’t just about the bad stuff you did, it’s about the love you withheld.
Most people preparing for confession use the Ten Commandments as a framework. Have you put anything before God? Made an idol of money, comfort, or someone’s approval? Taken the Lord’s name lightly or used it to curse? Dishonored your parents or those in authority over you? Harbored hatred (which Christ calls murder of the heart)? Committed adultery, or lusted after someone who isn’t your spouse? Stolen anything, even small things, even time from your employer? Lied or gossiped? Coveted what belongs to another?
The Beatitudes work too. Are you poor in spirit, or proud? Do you mourn your sins, or justify them? Are you meek, or controlling? Do you hunger for righteousness, or for comfort? Are you merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker?
Write things down. Seriously. You’ll forget half of what you meant to say if you don’t. Sit down the night before confession with a pen and paper, pray for God to show you your sins, and make a list. It doesn’t need to be exhaustive or perfectly organized. Just honest.
How Specific Should You Be?
Specific enough to be honest. Not so detailed that you’re telling stories or dragging other people into it.
If you’ve been angry, say so. If that anger led you to say something cruel to your spouse, mention that. You don’t need to recount the entire argument or explain why you were justified. The goal isn’t to make your case. It’s to bring your sin into the light so it can be healed.
If you’ve struggled with lust, confess it. You don’t need to describe what you looked at or elaborate on details. Your priest isn’t there to hear a play-by-play. He’s there as a witness to your repentance and as Christ’s minister of forgiveness.
Some sins need more context than others. If you’ve been stealing from your employer, that’s different from pocketing a pen. If you’ve been nursing a grudge against someone for years, that’s worth mentioning. Use your judgment. When in doubt, err on the side of clarity.
Thoughts Count
This surprises people coming from Protestant backgrounds. We’re used to thinking sin means what you do, not what you think. But Orthodox Christianity takes seriously Christ’s words that anger is murder of the heart and lust is adultery of the heart. Your interior life matters.
Confess jealousy, pride, hatred, despair, and lustful thoughts. Confess the times you’ve judged others harshly or imagined yourself superior. Confess anxiety that reveals lack of trust in God’s providence. These aren’t just personality quirks or bad moods. They’re sins that need healing.
That doesn’t mean you confess every fleeting thought that crosses your mind. Temptation isn’t sin. A lustful image that pops into your head and that you immediately reject isn’t something to confess. But if you entertained it, if you returned to it, if you fed it, that’s different.
What Confession Is For
Confession isn’t about earning forgiveness or proving you’re sorry enough. It’s about healing. Your priest isn’t there to judge you or shame you. He’s a physician, and you’re bringing him your wounds.
The Antiochian pastoral message on confession puts it plainly: confession is necessary for our spiritual healing and wellbeing. It’s not optional, not something we do if we feel like it. We’re sick. We need medicine. Confession is part of how God heals us.
When you confess, you’re not just getting things off your chest. You’re participating in a mystery where God’s grace meets your repentance and something changes. The priest will give you counsel, maybe a penance (which is meant to help you, not punish you), and then he’ll pray the prayer of absolution. You’ll kiss the cross and the Gospel book. You’ll walk away lighter.
Preparing for Your First Confession
Pray first. Ask God to show you your sins. You won’t see them clearly on your own. We’re experts at justifying ourselves.
Use the Ten Commandments or the Beatitudes as a guide. Many parishes have examination-of-conscience handouts you can use. Write down what comes to mind. Start with the big things, the patterns, the habits that have taken root. Then move to specifics you remember.
When you go to confession, you’ll stand before the analogion (the stand with the cross and Gospel book on it). The priest stands beside you, not between you and the icon. You’re confessing to God. He’s the witness.
Begin with something like, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” or just start talking. Say what you wrote down. Be brief. Be honest. Listen to what your priest tells you. Receive whatever penance he gives you. When he reads the prayer of absolution, know that God is forgiving you. Then kiss the cross and the Gospel.
That’s it. You’re done. Go home and start fresh. And when you sin again (because you will), come back. Confession isn’t a one-time thing. It’s part of the ongoing work of salvation, the long process of becoming who God made you to be. We’ve got a lifetime of healing ahead of us. Might as well get started.
