An Orthodox wedding is actually two services in one: the Betrothal and the Crowning. Together they make up the Mystery of Holy Matrimony, and they’re unlike anything most folks in Southeast Texas have seen at a typical church wedding.
The service starts in the narthex (the entrance area) with the Betrothal. The priest blesses rings three times in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, then places them on the right hands of the bride and groom. The sponsor, we call this person the koumbaros if he’s a man or koumbara if she’s a woman, exchanges the rings between the couple three times. Then everyone processes into the church for the main event.
The Crowning happens at the front of the church. The priest joins the couple’s right hands, symbolizing that they’re becoming one flesh and one mind. Then comes the moment that gives the service its name: he places crowns on their heads while praying three times, “O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor.” These aren’t little tiaras. They’re substantial crowns, often made of flowers connected by a long ribbon, and they mark the couple as king and queen of their new household.
But there’s more to it than royalty. The crowns also represent martyrdom. Not the kind where you die for the faith in an arena, but the daily dying to self that marriage requires. Every day you choose your spouse over yourself. Every day you witness to Christ by laying down your life in small ways. That’s what the crowns mean.
After the crowning, the couple shares wine from a common cup. They each drink three times. This isn’t just a nice gesture, it’s the couple drinking from the same cup of joy in Christ, the one who conquered death and makes their union possible. The wine symbolizes that their marriage is indissoluble because death doesn’t have the final word anymore.
Then comes something you won’t see anywhere else: the Dance of Isaiah. The priest takes the couple’s joined hands in his and leads them in a circle around a small table three times. On that table sits the Gospel and a Cross. The couple is taking their first steps as husband and wife, and Christ himself (through his priest and his Word) is leading them. The procession recalls Isaiah’s prophecy about joy. In ancient times, this procession would’ve continued all the way to the couple’s new home.
The service includes Scripture readings, usually the passage about Christ at the wedding in Cana and Paul’s teaching on marriage from Ephesians. There are prayers asking God to bless the couple like he blessed Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Joseph and Aseneth. The priest prays that they’ll see their children’s children. He prays that they’ll keep Christ at the center of everything.
At some point (sometimes right after the service, sometimes scheduled separately), the priest removes the crowns with a final prayer. That’s when the Mystery is complete.
If you’re planning an Orthodox wedding, start with the Archdiocese’s guidelines. An Orthodox Christian may be permitted to marry a Christian of another tradition who was baptized in the name of the Holy Trinity; if one partner isn’t baptized, the marriage cannot take place in the Orthodox Church. Talk to Fr. Michael early. You’ll choose the date with him, and he will explain the premarital preparation, including how many meetings he asks for, and the rehearsal.
Modesty matters. The Archdiocese’s guidelines ask that the bridal gown be modest, preferably with covered shoulders, and that the bridesmaids dress modestly. Ask Fr. Michael about the specifics. This isn’t about being prudish, it’s about remembering you’re standing at the altar offering your lives to God for his blessing.
You’ll need to choose your crowns (the church may have some, or you can get custom flower stephana made), select someone to read the Epistle, and get your marriage license. Your koumbaros and koumbara (best man and maid of honor) must be Orthodox Christians in good standing; the rest of the bridal party need not be Orthodox. They’re not responsible for throwing your shower or organizing your bachelorette party, they’re there to fulfill a liturgical role.
The whole service takes about 45 minutes to an hour. There’s no “I do” moment, no exchange of personal vows, no unity candle. That surprises people. But the silence makes sense when you understand what’s happening: this isn’t a contract between two people with God as witness. It’s God doing something to the couple, joining them in a way they can’t join themselves.
If you’ve been to a wedding at a Baptist church, you’re used to the focus being on the couple’s commitment to each other. An Orthodox wedding puts the focus somewhere else entirely. Christ is the Bridegroom. The Church is his Bride. This man and this woman are entering into that reality, becoming an icon of Christ’s love for his Church. Their marriage is a little kingdom where they reign together under Christ the King.
Come to a wedding at St. Michael’s sometime if you get the chance. Bring tissues, there’s something about seeing those crowns placed and watching that first procession that gets to people. You’re witnessing something ancient and something eternal happening all at once.
