You probably don’t. And that’s okay.
The saints tell us that the surest sign you’re growing spiritually is that you’re increasingly aware of how far you have to go. It’s the people who think they’ve arrived who haven’t moved an inch. St. Isaac the Syrian says that when we start to see our sins clearly, we’re beginning to heal. Before that, we’re just spiritually blind and don’t know it.
But I know that’s not entirely satisfying. You want to know if all this prayer and fasting and confession is actually doing anything. Fair enough.
What Progress Actually Looks Like
Here’s what the Fathers say to watch for. Not spiritual fireworks or emotional highs. Those can be delusion as easily as grace.
Watch for peace. Real peace, the kind that sits deep in your chest when someone cuts you off on I-10 or when the plant changes your schedule again or when your Baptist mother-in-law makes another comment about Mary. If you’re finding a stillness inside that doesn’t depend on circumstances, something’s happening. The Holy Spirit brings that kind of peace. You can’t manufacture it.
Watch for how you think about other people. Are you quicker to forgive? Slower to judge? Do you see that difficult coworker as your brother in Christ, even if he doesn’t know it yet? St. Isaac says progress shows up in how we connect with our neighbors. If you’re starting to genuinely love people you used to just tolerate, that’s theosis at work.
Watch your prayer. Not whether it feels good, but whether you hunger for it. Do you miss it when you skip your prayer rule? Does your heart reach for the Jesus Prayer during the day? That longing is a gift. It means you’re being drawn toward God, not just going through motions.
And watch what happens after you sin. Do you despair, or do you repent? Despair is from the enemy. Repentance is from God. If you’re getting faster at saying “Lord, have mercy” and getting back up, you’re learning how this works.
The Three-Word Test
I heard a priest once say that spiritual maturity can be summed up in three phrases you find yourself saying more often: “Thank you.” “Forgive me.” “Please.”
Thank you for everything, even the hard stuff. Forgive me because I’m not worthy. Please, because I need Your will, not mine.
If those words are becoming more natural to you, you’re growing.
What Doesn’t Count
Don’t measure progress by how many prostrations you do or whether you kept the fast perfectly or how long you can stand in church without your feet hurting. Those things are tools, not the goal. You can do all of them and still be a pharisee.
Don’t measure it by emotional experiences either. Feeling close to God during Liturgy is nice, but it’s not the point. The desert fathers warned constantly about prelest, spiritual delusion. People can have visions and feel all sorts of things and be completely off track. What matters is whether you’re becoming more humble, more loving, more peaceful. Those are the fruits of the Spirit.
And don’t compare yourself to other people. Someone else’s spiritual life is between them and God. You have no idea what grace they’ve been given or what struggles they’re facing. Your job is to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, as St. Paul says.
You Need a Guide
This is why we have confession. You can’t assess your own spiritual state accurately. You’re too close to it. You need a priest who knows you, who can see patterns you can’t see, who can tell you when you’re making progress and when you’re fooling yourself.
Confession isn’t just about listing sins. It’s about having someone help you see where God is working in your life and where you’re resisting Him. That’s why we confess regularly, not just when we’ve done something terrible. We need that outside perspective.
The Long View
Theosis is a process. It takes years. Decades. A lifetime. You’re being changed from glory to glory, as St. Paul says, but it’s gradual. Some days you’ll feel like you’re moving backward. That’s normal. The spiritual life isn’t a straight line up. It’s more like a spiral. You keep coming back to the same issues, but at a deeper level each time.
St. Silouan the Athonite said to keep your mind in hell and despair not. That sounds dark, but it’s actually freeing. Yes, you’re a sinner. Yes, you’re going to keep struggling with the same passions. But Christ is with you in that struggle, and He’s healing you whether you can see it or not.
So keep showing up. Keep praying. Keep confessing. Keep receiving the Eucharist. The grace is working even when you can’t feel it. And one day, maybe years from now, you’ll look back and realize you’re not the same person you were. You won’t know exactly when it happened. But it will have happened.
That’s how you know.
