Spiritual direction is the ongoing relationship between a Christian and a more experienced guide, called a spiritual father or spiritual mother, who helps that person grow in prayer, repentance, and union with God. It’s not just confession, though confession often happens within it. It’s a sustained pastoral relationship where someone further along the path helps you see where you’re stuck, what passions are tripping you up, and how to move forward.
Think of it like this. You wouldn’t try to learn carpentry from a book alone. You’d watch someone who knows what they’re doing. Spiritual direction works the same way.
Who Is a Spiritual Father or Mother?
A spiritual father (or mother, we have both in Orthodox tradition) is usually a priest, monk, nun, or recognized elder who’s walked the path long enough to help others navigate it. The Desert Fathers and Mothers practiced this centuries ago in Egypt and Syria. A younger monk would attach himself to an elder, an abba or amma, and learn not just from lectures but from watching how that person prayed, fasted, battled temptation, and loved God.
That model never left the Church. We still have it.
What makes someone qualified? Three things, traditionally: personal holiness marked by humility, genuine love for the people they guide, and the gift of discernment. That last one matters. A good spiritual father can often see what you can’t see about yourself. He’ll notice patterns in your confessions, recognize which passions are driving your behavior, and prescribe specific remedies. Not generic advice, specific steps for you.
How Does It Actually Work?
You meet regularly. Maybe monthly, maybe more often depending on need and availability. You talk about your prayer life, your struggles, your sins, your questions. The spiritual father listens, asks questions, and gives counsel. He might adjust your prayer rule, suggest a particular saint’s writings, recommend more frequent communion, or prescribe a specific fast. He prays for you between meetings. That’s not symbolic, he’s actually interceding for you, sometimes bearing your burdens in prayer.
This isn’t therapy, though there’s overlap. A therapist helps you understand yourself psychologically. A spiritual father helps you understand yourself spiritually and move toward Christ. The goal isn’t just feeling better. It’s theosis, union with God, which requires identifying and uprooting the passions that separate us from Him.
Traditional Orthodox practice emphasizes obedience to your spiritual father’s counsel. That can sound strange to Protestant ears, especially in Southeast Texas where we value independence. But it’s not blind obedience. It’s trust built over time with someone who’s proven wise, who loves you, and who’s accountable to the Church. If counsel ever seems wrong or harmful, you’re free to seek another guide or consult your bishop.
How Is This Different from Confession?
Confession is sacramental. You confess specific sins to a priest, receive absolution, and are given a penance. It’s about reconciliation and the grace of forgiveness.
Spiritual direction is broader. It includes confession but also formation in prayer, discernment about life decisions, treatment of recurring passions, and long-term growth. Your spiritual father might also be your confessor, often he is, but the relationship extends beyond those moments at the analogion. You’re not just listing sins. You’re learning to pray, to fast, to recognize temptation before it becomes sin, to see God’s will in your circumstances.
Some people confess to their parish priest occasionally but don’t have a sustained spiritual direction relationship. That’s common, especially in busy parish life. But the ideal, the thing we’re aiming for, is that deeper ongoing relationship where someone knows your soul and can guide you through the long work of repentance.
Finding a Spiritual Director
Start with your parish priest. Many priests serve as spiritual fathers to their parishioners. If Fr. Nicholas at St. Michael isn’t available for that level of regular direction, he can point you toward someone who is, maybe a priest at another parish, a monk at a nearby monastery, or a recognized elder.
Don’t rush it. Finding the right spiritual father takes time. You’re looking for someone with spiritual maturity, humility, sound Orthodox teaching, and a reputation for prayerful discernment. Meet with them a few times. See if there’s a fit. Ask about confidentiality, how often you’d meet, whether they hear confessions, and how they integrate sacramental life into their counsel.
Monasteries are traditional places to find experienced elders. St. Anthony’s Monastery in Arizona and Holy Archangels Monastery in Texas both have monks who offer spiritual direction. But you don’t have to travel far. God often provides the guide you need closer than you think.
One caution: beware extremes. Some people idealize “miracle-working” elders or assume a spiritual father is infallible. He’s not. He’s a fellow sinner further along the path. If counsel ever seems uncanonical or spiritually harmful, you’re not stuck. Seek another confessor or bring your concerns to trusted clergy.
Why Bother?
Because we can’t see ourselves clearly. We justify our sins, rationalize our passions, and convince ourselves we’re fine when we’re stuck. A spiritual father sees what we can’t. He knows the tricks the enemy uses because he’s faced them himself. He can say, “You’re not struggling with anger, you’re struggling with pride, and the anger is just a symptom.” That kind of insight changes everything.
The Church has always worked this way. Paul discipled Timothy. The Desert Fathers formed disciples. Spiritual mothers like Amma Syncletica guided women in the faith. This isn’t some optional add-on for super-committed Christians. It’s how the faith gets transmitted, one soul at a time, in the context of relationship.
If you’re new to Orthodoxy or just starting to explore it, you don’t need a spiritual father on day one. But as you grow, as you’re chrismated and begin receiving communion, the need becomes clear. You’ll hit walls in your prayer life. You’ll struggle with the same sins over and over. You’ll wonder if you’re making any progress at all. That’s when having someone who knows you, prays for you, and can say, “Try this,” becomes not just helpful but necessary.
Ask Fr. Nicholas after Liturgy sometime. Tell him you’d like to talk about spiritual direction. He’ll know what to do next.
