Lent comes first. When February 14 falls during Great Lent, the season’s disciplines take priority over the secular holiday.
This isn’t the Church being harsh or anti-romance. It’s about recognizing what time it is. Great Lent is our annual journey through the wilderness with Christ, a season of repentance, fasting, and intensified prayer. We’re preparing for Pascha. The culture around us doesn’t stop its celebrations just because we’re fasting, and that’s fine. But we don’t get a pass from Lenten discipline just because Hallmark says it’s time for chocolate and roses.
What the Fast Actually Means
During Great Lent we abstain from meat, dairy, eggs, and usually fish. We eat less. We pray more. Many married couples also abstain from marital relations by mutual consent, devoting themselves to prayer. The fast isn’t just about food. It’s about restraining our passions, turning down the volume on our appetites so we can hear God more clearly.
So when Valentine’s Day rolls around mid-Lent, a candlelit steak dinner with wine and dessert doesn’t fit. Neither does the expectation of romantic intimacy if you and your spouse have agreed to abstain during the fast. This can feel awkward, especially if you’re a newer Orthodox Christian and your spouse isn’t Orthodox or isn’t taking the fast seriously. Your coworkers at the plant will ask what you’re doing for Valentine’s. Your Baptist mother-in-law might think you’ve joined a cult.
Pastoral Economy Exists
Here’s the thing: the Church isn’t legalistic about this. Your priest can grant economia for legitimate pastoral reasons. If your marriage is struggling and a kind gesture on February 14 would help, talk to your priest. If health issues mean you can’t fast strictly anyway, ask for guidance. If you’re a catechumen still learning and this is your first Lent, your priest might counsel you to observe a lighter discipline while you grow into the fullness of the fast.
But economia isn’t a loophole. It’s pastoral care applied to real human need, not a way to have your baklava and eat it too.
What You Can Do
You can still acknowledge your spouse on Valentine’s Day within the Lenten framework. Write a card. Pray together. Give a small gift that’s appropriate to the season, maybe a prayer book or an icon. If it’s a Saturday or Sunday of Lent, you could share a simple meal with wine and oil, which are typically allowed on Lenten weekends. Make it about love, not indulgence.
Some couples use the opportunity to do something charitable together. Volunteer at the food bank. Visit someone who’s lonely. Love doesn’t require a prix fixe menu.
And honestly? Skipping the Valentine’s Day circus can be a relief. You’re not obligated to perform romance on command because the calendar says so. The quiet of Lent gives you space to love each other more deeply, less frantically.
The Bigger Picture
The Orthodox Church does commemorate martyrs named Valentine, but February 14 isn’t a major feast that would modify the Lenten fast. Even if it were, we’d celebrate it within Lenten parameters. That’s how the Church works. When the Annunciation falls during Lent, we allow fish and wine, but we don’t abandon the fast entirely. The season shapes how we celebrate everything else.
If you’re married to someone who doesn’t understand why you’re “being weird” about Valentine’s Day, this is a chance for a gentle conversation about what Lent means to you. You’re not rejecting them. You’re trying to follow Christ through the desert. Explain that your love for them doesn’t depend on prix fixe dinners, and that you’d be happy to celebrate on a different day after Pascha if that matters to them.
Talk to your priest if you’re unsure how to navigate this in your particular situation. He knows you, knows your marriage, knows what you can handle. That’s better than any article can give you.
The fast won’t last forever. Pascha is coming. And when it does, the feast will be all the sweeter because you waited for it.
