The 40-day memorial is a service we hold about forty days after someone dies to pray for their soul’s rest and to ask God’s mercy on them. It’s part of how the Orthodox Church continues to care for the departed through prayer.
When someone you love dies, the funeral isn’t the end of the Church’s ministry. We keep praying. The 40-day memorial marks an important point in that ongoing prayer.
Why Forty Days?
The number forty shows up constantly in Scripture. Moses spent forty days on the mountain. The flood lasted forty days. Christ fasted forty days in the wilderness and appeared to the disciples for forty days after the Resurrection. The early Church picked up on this pattern and established forty days as a significant marker after death.
But it’s not just about biblical numerology. The Church fathers understood that the soul’s journey after death involves a transition, a movement toward its final state before the Last Judgment. We don’t believe in purgatory the way Catholics do. We also don’t believe the soul just “goes to heaven” immediately in some final, settled way. There’s an in-between time, and our prayers matter during it.
That’s why we pray at forty days. And at nine days. And at the one-year anniversary. And every year after that on the anniversary of their death. The Church keeps praying because we believe our prayers actually help the departed. We’re asking God to grant them rest, to forgive their sins, to number them among the saints.
What Happens at the Service
The 40-day memorial uses the same prayers we said at the funeral, the Trisagion or Panikhida service. There are litanies asking God to remember the departed. Psalms. Hymns about resurrection and mercy. It’s usually held on a Sunday during Liturgy, though it can be done on the actual fortieth day if that works better.
The family brings kollyva. That’s boiled wheat mixed with honey, sometimes with pomegranate seeds or powdered sugar on top, sometimes decorated with the person’s initials in candy or nuts. The wheat represents the body that’s planted in the ground and will rise again. The honey represents the sweetness of the Kingdom. After the priest blesses it, everyone shares it. You’ll see people taking small spoonfuls, making the sign of the cross, saying “Memory eternal.”
Some families also visit the grave on the fortieth day. The priest will come and bless the grave again, say prayers there. It’s a way of marking this transition point, of acknowledging that forty days have passed and we’re still here, still praying, still connected to the one who died.
The Living and the Dead Aren’t Separated
If you grew up Baptist or non-denominational, this whole practice might feel strange. You might’ve been taught that once someone dies, they’re in heaven (if they were saved) and that’s that. Praying for them seems pointless, maybe even wrong.
But the Orthodox Church has always understood that death doesn’t sever our communion with each other. We’re all one Body. The saints in heaven pray for us. We pray for each other. And we pray for those who’ve died but aren’t yet glorified as saints. We’re asking God to have mercy, to forgive, to grant rest. Not because we think we can earn someone’s salvation through our prayers, but because love keeps praying. Because the Church is a family, and families don’t stop caring when someone dies.
St. John Chrysostom preached about this constantly. He told people to pray for the departed, to give alms in their memory, to have the Liturgy offered for them. He believed it helped. So do we.
What Families Do
In Southeast Texas, you’ll often see families bring a big tray of kollyva to church on that fortieth Sunday. Sometimes they’ll also bring prosphora or other bread. After Liturgy, there might be a meal in the hall, a “mercy meal” where everyone gathers to remember the person who died, to tell stories, to eat together.
The family will give the priest the departed person’s name ahead of time. He’ll commemorate them during the service, and after Liturgy he’ll do the full memorial prayers. If you’re there, you’ll hear “Memory eternal” sung three times at the end. It’s one of the most beautiful moments in Orthodox worship, that phrase repeated while everyone stands quietly, remembering.
Some families struggle with the fortieth day because it falls during a work rotation or because extended family has gone back home after the funeral. That’s okay. The service can be moved to the nearest Sunday. What matters is that we gather, that we pray, that we remember.
The 40-day memorial isn’t about checking a box or fulfilling an obligation. It’s about love that doesn’t end at the grave. It’s about a Church that keeps praying, keeps asking God’s mercy, keeps binding together the living and the dead in Christ. When you stand there eating kollyva and hearing “Memory eternal,” you’re doing what Christians have done for nearly two thousand years. You’re refusing to let death have the last word.
