The Orthodox Church sees dating as discernment for marriage, not recreation. That’s the short answer. If you’re dating someone, you’re asking a question: could this person become my spouse, the one I’ll live with sacramentally in Christ for the rest of my life?
This sounds serious because it is. Marriage in Orthodoxy isn’t just a nice ceremony or a legal arrangement. It’s a sacrament, a mystery where two people participate in Christ’s love for the Church. So the relationship that leads there can’t be casual.
Dating Isn’t Entertainment
Walk into any high school in Southeast Texas and you’ll hear kids talk about dating like it’s something you do for fun on Friday night. Our wider culture treats romantic relationships as individual pleasure or self-fulfillment. You date to see what you like. You “try people on” to find what works for you.
The Church sees this differently. When you date someone, you’re not shopping. You’re discerning whether God is calling you to marry this person. That means dating should happen within your life in the Church, not separate from it. Pray about the relationship. Go to Liturgy. Talk to your priest or spiritual father early, not after you’ve already decided everything.
This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy someone’s company or that every coffee date needs to feel like a job interview. But it does mean you’re not just killing time. You’re asking a real question that deserves a real answer.
Chastity Matters
The Orthodox Church teaches that sexual intimacy belongs in marriage. Period. This isn’t about shame or prudishness. It’s about protecting something sacred. When you give your body to someone outside of marriage, you’re trying to have the union without the sacrament. You’re fragmenting something that’s meant to be whole.
I know this is hard. You’re surrounded by a culture that thinks waiting is weird or impossible. Your coworkers at the plant might not understand. Your non-Orthodox friends might think you’re crazy. But the Church has seen what happens when we treat our bodies and each other as objects for pleasure. It wounds us. It makes the kind of self-giving love that marriage requires much harder to build.
If you’ve already made mistakes here, the Church doesn’t slam the door. We have confession. We have repentance. We have a God who heals. But the path forward still involves turning away from sin and living chastely until marriage.
You’re Not Alone in This
One of the strangest things about modern dating is how isolated it is. Two people decide they like each other, and suddenly it’s this private bubble no one else can touch. Parents are kept at arm’s length. Friends get shut out. The couple makes all their own decisions.
Orthodoxy says that’s backwards. Your parish priest or spiritual father should be involved. Not micromanaging every date, but offering guidance and wisdom. Before you get engaged, talk to him. Before you set a wedding date, you’ll need his blessing. Most Antiochian parishes require premarital counseling, and your priest will assess whether you’re ready for the sacrament.
Your parents matter too. They know you. They can see things you might miss when you’re caught up in romance. And the wider parish community supports you by offering a place to meet other Orthodox Christians, by providing fellowship that keeps your faith life central, and by holding you accountable in gentle ways.
Ancient Faith Ministries runs retreats for Orthodox singles. Antiochian Village hosts events where young people can meet in a church-centered environment. These aren’t just mixers. They’re ways to build friendships and potential marriages within the life of the Church.
What Should You Actually Do?
Be intentional. If you’re dating someone, talk about the things that matter. Do they want children? How do they handle money? What’s their relationship with their family like? Do they go to confession regularly? Can they forgive? These aren’t romantic questions, but marriage isn’t just romance. It’s a shared life of prayer and service.
Keep boundaries. Physical and emotional. It’s easier to maintain chastity if you’re not spending every evening alone in someone’s apartment. It’s easier to think clearly if you’re not texting each other every waking moment.
Pray. Ask God if this is the person He’s calling you to marry. And be willing to hear “no” as an answer.
If you’re dating someone who isn’t Orthodox, that’s a separate conversation you need to have with your priest. The Church wants Orthodox marriages because shared faith makes the sacramental life of marriage possible. This doesn’t mean every non-Orthodox person is off-limits, but it does mean you need serious pastoral guidance.
The Goal Is Marriage
Dating in the Orthodox Church isn’t about finding someone who makes you happy or who checks all your boxes. It’s about finding someone you can struggle toward theosis with. Someone you can pray with. Someone you can raise children with in the Church. Someone you can forgive and be forgiven by, over and over, for decades.
That’s a high calling. It requires more than butterflies and attraction. It requires grace. And grace comes through the sacraments, through prayer, through the life of the Church. So keep your dating life there. Don’t let it become this separate thing you do on your own. Bring it into the light. Let your priest guide you. Let your community support you. And trust that God, who made marriage, knows how to lead you into it if that’s where He’s calling you.
