Start with what you share. You both believe in the Trinity, the Incarnation, the sacraments, and the communion of saints. You both venerate Mary and the apostles. You both have liturgy, fasting, confession, and a faith that’s bigger than Sunday morning. That’s not nothing.
But you’re not in communion. And when your Catholic friend asks why, you need to explain the differences honestly without turning the conversation into a fight.
Here in Southeast Texas, you’ve probably got Catholic relatives. Maybe your spouse’s family goes to St. Anne’s or Sacred Heart. They see you crossing yourself, venerating icons, going to Liturgy on Saturday night, and they wonder what’s different. Some think you’ve joined something exotic. Others think you’ve left “the Church.” You need to set the record straight without being defensive.
The Big Differences
The filioque is the technical starting point. Catholics added “and the Son” to the Creed, saying the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son. We say the Spirit proceeds from the Father alone, as the Creed originally stated and as Scripture teaches. This isn’t just semantics. It’s about how we understand the Trinity itself. The Father is the single source, the “monarchy” of the Godhead. Adding the filioque without an ecumenical council was both a theological problem and a violation of how the Church makes decisions.
And that gets to the second issue: papal authority. We honor the Bishop of Rome. Historically, he held a primacy of honor. But we don’t accept the claims of universal jurisdiction and infallibility that developed in the medieval West and were defined at Vatican I. For us, the Church makes decisions together in council, not through one bishop acting alone. The Pope is a bishop among bishops, not a monarch over the whole Church.
Your Catholic friend might ask about purgatory. We believe in purification after death. We pray for the departed. But we reject the late medieval mechanics of purgatory as a place of temporal punishment, the treasury of merit, and indulgences. We see the afterlife less legalistically and more as a process of healing and transformation in God’s mercy.
The Immaculate Conception is another sticking point. We deeply honor the Theotokos. She’s the most holy human being who ever lived. But the 1854 dogma defining her conception as preserved from original sin is framed in Western categories we don’t share. We speak of her purity and holiness using the language of the Fathers, not the language of papal decree.
How to Actually Have This Conversation
Don’t lead with the filioque. Nobody cares about that on the first pass. Start with the liturgy. Invite your friend to Vespers. Let them see that Orthodoxy isn’t exotic or foreign but ancient and continuous with the early Church. Let them smell the incense, hear the chanting, see the icons. Experience teaches better than argument.
When theological questions come up, listen first. Ask what matters to them. If they love the rosary and Marian devotion, assure them we honor Mary even more highly than they might expect. If they’re attached to the Pope as a symbol of unity, explain that we also value unity but understand it differently, as conciliar consensus, not monarchical authority.
Don’t trash-talk Catholicism. Your friend’s faith is real. Their sacraments are real. God works in their life. You’re not trying to win a debate. You’re explaining why you’re Orthodox and why the Church isn’t in communion with Rome. There’s a difference.
Be ready for the question: “So you think Catholics aren’t Christian?” No. We think Catholics are Christians who are separated from the fullness of the faith as preserved in Orthodoxy. We’re not in communion, but we share an enormous amount of common ground. The separation is tragic, not triumphant.
What to Say About “The One True Church”
This is the hard one. We do believe the Orthodox Church is the Church Christ founded. That’s going to sound arrogant to your Catholic friend, who believes the same thing about Rome. But you can say it without being a jerk.
Try this: “We believe the Orthodox Church has preserved the faith of the apostles and the councils without addition or subtraction. That’s not about ethnicity or pride. It’s about continuity. We’re not claiming to be better Christians than you. We’re saying the Church has maintained the apostolic faith in its fullness, and we’d love for everyone to share in that.”
Your friend might push back. Let them. Don’t get defensive. Acknowledge that Catholics and Orthodox were one Church for a thousand years and that the split was a disaster for everyone. We long for reunion, but it has to be reunion in truth, not just organizational merger.
Practical Stuff
If your friend wants to read more, point them to Ancient Faith or the OCA website. Fr. Thomas Hopko’s podcasts explain Orthodox theology in plain English. The Orthodox Study Bible has good notes comparing Orthodox and Catholic readings of Scripture. If they’re more academic, Metropolitan Kallistos Ware’s The Orthodox Church is the standard introduction.
Don’t expect instant understanding. Your friend has been Catholic their whole life. You’re asking them to see the Church through different eyes. Give them time. Answer their questions. Pray for them. And remember that you’re both trying to follow Christ. That’s the foundation. Everything else is built on that.
