Yes, you should. But let me explain what that means and why it matters.
A spiritual father is a priest or elder who guides you in your spiritual life. Think of him as a doctor for your soul. He helps you recognize your passions (anger, lust, pride, despair), prescribes the medicine you need (prayer, fasting, confession, Scripture), and walks with you toward healing and union with God. This isn’t therapy. It’s something older and deeper.
The relationship is personal and ongoing. You meet with him regularly, confess to him, ask his advice about struggles, and follow his guidance. He gets to know you over time, your temptations, your patterns, your blind spots. You promise obedience to him as a way of being obedient to Christ. That probably sounds strange if you’re coming from a Baptist background where every believer stands alone before God with an open Bible. But we don’t believe we can navigate the spiritual life solo. We need help.
Why You Need One
Here’s the thing: you can’t see yourself clearly. I can’t either. We’re all experts at self-deception. We justify our sins, minimize our faults, and convince ourselves we’re doing fine when we’re actually stuck. A spiritual father sees what you can’t see. He knows the difference between real progress and just rearranging your vices. He can tell when you’re being too hard on yourself or not hard enough.
The Desert Fathers understood this. St. Anthony said a monk without a spiritual father is like a tree without roots. It might look alive for a while, but the first strong wind knocks it over. And let me tell you, living in Southeast Texas, we know what strong winds do to trees without deep roots. Hurricane season teaches that lesson every few years.
Your spiritual father also protects you from extremes. Converts especially tend to swing between rigorism (trying to fast like St. Mary of Egypt three weeks in) and laxity (giving up when that doesn’t work). A good spiritual father knows your capacity. He’ll tell you to ease up when you’re headed for burnout and push you when you’re getting lazy.
What This Isn’t
This isn’t about finding some holy man with a long beard who reads your thoughts and performs miracles. Those elders exist, but they’re rare. Most spiritual fathers are ordinary parish priests doing their best to help their people grow in Christ. Your priest at St. Michael’s can serve in this role. He doesn’t need to be a wonder-worker. He needs to be faithful, experienced, and willing to walk with you.
It’s not the same as just going to confession either. You confess to your spiritual father, yes. But the relationship goes beyond the sacrament. You might call him when you’re struggling with a decision. You might ask him whether you’re ready to take on a stricter prayer rule. You might need him to tell you the truth about a relationship that’s pulling you away from the Church.
And it’s not therapy. A spiritual father isn’t trained in psychology (though some are). He’s trained in the spiritual life. He knows the Scriptures, the Fathers, the canons, the prayers. He knows what the Church has always taught about how souls get sick and how they heal.
How to Find One
Start with your parish priest. In most Antiochian parishes, your priest is your spiritual father unless there’s a reason to seek guidance elsewhere. Talk to him. Ask if he’ll take you on as a spiritual child. Begin meeting with him regularly for confession and direction.
If your parish priest isn’t available for this kind of relationship (maybe he’s stretched thin with a large parish or his gifts lie elsewhere), ask him to recommend someone. Don’t go shopping around on your own. Don’t read about some famous elder in Greece and decide you need to fly there twice a year. Work within your local church first.
The relationship develops over time. You don’t walk in and instantly have a spiritual father. You meet, you confess, you ask advice, you follow it, you come back. Trust builds. He learns your soul. You learn to hear his guidance as the voice of the Church speaking to you.
Start Where You Are
If you’re still an inquirer or a catechumen, you might not be ready for this yet. That’s fine. Focus on learning the faith, attending services, and getting to know your priest. The time will come. But don’t put it off indefinitely once you’re received into the Church. We all need guidance. We all need someone who can see us clearly and love us enough to tell us the truth.
Fr. Thomas Hopko used to say that the spiritual life without a spiritual father is like trying to learn to swim by reading a book. You might understand the theory, but you’ll probably drown. Find someone who knows the water. Let him teach you how to stay afloat, and eventually, how to dive deep.
