The Orthodox Church believes marriage is meant to be permanent but recognizes that some marriages die. When that happens, the Church may grant an ecclesiastical divorce and permit remarriage under the bishop’s blessing. This isn’t celebrating divorce. It’s applying mercy to broken people in broken situations.
We don’t say “marriages can be dissolved whenever you want.” We say marriage is a lifelong union, a mystery where two become one flesh. That’s the goal. That’s what we pray for at every wedding. But we also live in a fallen world where people sin, where abuse happens, where one spouse abandons the faith or the family. The Church has always had to deal with the gap between the ideal and the reality.
The Ideal and the Reality
Christ’s words are clear: “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” Marriage is permanent in God’s design. It’s not a contract you can cancel. It’s a sacramental union that changes who you are. When the priest crowns the bride and groom, he’s not just blessing a legal arrangement. He’s joining two people into one flesh for their journey toward theosis.
But Christ also said, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts.” The Church has taken that seriously. We hold to the ideal without crushing people who’ve failed to live it. That’s oikonomia, the pastoral application of mercy within the boundaries of truth. It’s not compromise. It’s how a hospital treats sick people instead of turning them away.
How It Actually Works
If you’re Orthodox and your marriage has ended in civil divorce, that civil divorce doesn’t automatically change your standing in the Church. You need an ecclesiastical divorce from your bishop. This isn’t just paperwork. It’s a pastoral process. You’ll meet with your priest. You’ll go to confession. The priest and bishop need to understand what happened and whether you’ve repented of whatever part you played in the marriage’s death.
Some situations are clearer than others. Adultery, abandonment, abuse, these have always been recognized as grounds. Other cases are harder. Did you just get bored? Did you leave because your spouse gained weight or because you met someone more exciting? The Church isn’t going to bless that. But if you married young and foolish, if there was deception or addiction or violence, if one of you abandoned the faith entirely, the bishop may grant the divorce and permit you to try again.
A second marriage isn’t the same as a first. The service is different. It’s penitential. There’s no crowning, no joyful procession. The prayers acknowledge sin and failure. They ask for mercy. You’re being given another chance, not a do-over. The Church permits up to three marriages total (including widowhood), but a fourth is forbidden. By that point you need to work on yourself, not find another spouse.
How We’re Different
This puts us in an odd position between Catholics and Protestants, which is pretty normal for Orthodoxy. Catholics say a valid sacramental marriage can’t be dissolved, period. If your marriage failed, their solution is an annulment, a declaration that the marriage was never valid in the first place. Maybe there was some defect in consent, some hidden impediment. Prove that and you’re free to marry again as though the first marriage never happened.
We don’t do that. We’re not going to pretend your ten-year marriage with three kids never existed. It existed. It failed. That’s tragic. But we’re not going to trap you in that failure forever if you’ve repented and there’s no path to reconciliation. The bishop can grant a divorce and permit remarriage as an act of mercy.
Protestants, at least the ones common around Beaumont, tend to go one of two ways. Some treat marriage as dissoluble by divorce, period, what the state says goes. Others take a harder line and say remarriage after divorce is adultery, no exceptions. We’re trying to hold together both the permanence of marriage and the mercy of God. It’s a tension, but it’s a biblical tension.
What This Means for You
If you’re inquiring into Orthodoxy and you’ve been divorced, talk to the priest. Don’t assume you’re disqualified. The Church has dealt with divorce since the beginning. If you’re already Orthodox and your marriage is in trouble, get help before it’s too late. Talk to your priest. See a counselor. Fight for it. But if you’re in danger, if there’s abuse or addiction and no repentance, don’t stay out of some misguided sense that divorce is the unforgivable sin.
And if you’re divorced and considering remarriage, understand what you’re asking for. You’re asking the Church to apply mercy, which means acknowledging you need mercy. The second marriage service will make that clear. Fr. Thomas Hopko used to say that remarriage is like being readmitted to the hospital after you’ve been healed once. You’re grateful for the second chance, but you’re also aware you’re back because something went wrong.
The Church doesn’t hand out divorces casually, but we’re not in the business of binding burdens too heavy to bear. We’re trying to help you become holy. Sometimes that means holding you to your vows. Sometimes it means helping you start over.
