A spiritual father is a priest who guides you through the Christian life with regular confession, prayer, and personal counsel. He’s your doctor for the soul.
Most of the time, your parish priest is your spiritual father. That’s the normal pattern. You go to confession with him, you ask him questions about prayer or fasting or how to handle a situation at work, and over time he gets to know your struggles and helps you grow. It’s not complicated.
The term can sound exotic if you’re coming from a Baptist or non-denominational background. We don’t do altar calls or “ask Jesus into your heart” moments. Instead, we have this ongoing relationship where a priest walks with you through the mess and beauty of trying to become like Christ. He hears your confession. He prays for you by name. He gives you specific guidance tailored to where you are right now.
Some people hear “spiritual father” and picture an ancient monk with a long beard living on Mount Athos, and yes, those exist. The great elders (we call them starets in Russian or geron in Greek) are real, and they have a special gift for spiritual discernment. But you don’t need to fly to Greece to have a spiritual father. The priest at St. Michael’s can fill that role.
What Does a Spiritual Father Actually Do?
He listens. That’s the first thing. In confession, you tell him not just your sins but your thoughts, your temptations, the patterns you’re stuck in. He doesn’t judge you. He’s heard worse, trust me. And he helps you see where the real problem is, which isn’t always where you think it is.
He prays for you constantly. A good spiritual father carries his spiritual children in his heart before God. When you’re struggling with something, he’s asking God to help you. When you’re doing well, he’s thanking God for your progress.
He gives specific guidance. Maybe he tells you to read a particular psalm every morning. Maybe he suggests you fast on Wednesdays. Maybe he says, “Call your mother and apologize.” It’s personal, not generic advice from a self-help book.
He rebukes you when you need it. Not harshly, but clearly. If you’re lying to yourself about something, a spiritual father will point it out. If you’re being lazy in your prayer life or making excuses, he’ll call you on it. This is love, not meanness.
And he celebrates with you. When you make progress, when you overcome a temptation, when you finally understand something you’ve been wrestling with, he rejoices. You’re not alone in this.
Do You Have to Have a Spiritual Father?
The Church strongly recommends it, but there’s no rule that says you’ll be kicked out if you don’t have one. It’s more like this: trying to grow in the Christian life without a spiritual father is like trying to get in shape without a coach. You can do it, but it’s harder, and you’re more likely to hurt yourself or give up.
We’re not good judges of our own spiritual state. We rationalize. We minimize. We convince ourselves that our pet sin isn’t really that bad or that we’re doing fine when we’re actually stuck. A spiritual father sees what you can’t see and helps you move forward.
That said, true spiritual fathers with deep gifts of discernment are rare. Most of us have parish priests who do their best to guide us, and that’s enough. God works through ordinary priests too. Fr. Thomas Hopko used to say that the spiritual life isn’t about finding the perfect elder, it’s about being faithful where you are.
How Do You Find One?
Start with your parish priest. That’s the default. Go to confession regularly. Ask him questions. Let him get to know you. Over time, that relationship deepens, and he becomes your spiritual father naturally.
If your parish priest suggests you talk to someone else because of his schedule or because he thinks another priest might be a better fit, that’s fine too. Sometimes priests will refer you to a more experienced confessor or to a monastery if you need more intensive guidance. But that’s the exception, not the rule.
Don’t go priest shopping. This is a temptation, especially in places like Houston where there are multiple Orthodox parishes within driving distance. You hear about some priest who’s supposed to be really wise, so you start going to him for confession while attending another parish for liturgy. This causes confusion. Your spiritual father should be connected to your parish life. He should know your community, your family situation, your daily reality.
And be patient. These relationships take time. You don’t walk in and immediately have a spiritual father the way you might hire a therapist. It grows through regular confession, through asking for guidance, through showing up.
What If You’re New to Orthodoxy?
Then you’re in the perfect position to start this relationship. Tell your priest you’re new and you need help learning how to pray, how to fast, how to navigate the church calendar. Ask him to hear your confession regularly, even if it feels awkward at first. Most priests are thrilled when someone actually wants spiritual guidance instead of just showing up on Sundays.
You’ll make mistakes. You’ll forget to do what he suggested. You’ll confess the same sins over and over. That’s normal. A spiritual father isn’t expecting perfection. He’s expecting honesty and effort.
If you’re in Beaumont and you’re reading this on St. Michael’s website, talk to one of our priests. Tell them you want to grow in your faith and you need help. That’s all it takes to start.
