Holy Matrimony is one of the seven Mysteries of the Church. When a man and woman marry in the Orthodox Church, something real happens, God joins them together as one flesh, crowns them for a life of sacrificial love, and sets them on a path toward salvation together.
This isn’t just a ceremony where two people make promises to each other. It’s a sacrament. The priest doesn’t marry the couple because they’ve decided they’re ready. He calls down the Holy Spirit to transform their union into something eternal, an icon of Christ’s love for the Church.
More Than a Contract
If you grew up Baptist or in another Protestant church around here, you probably think of marriage as a covenant between two people who’ve chosen each other. Maybe you’ve been to weddings where the couple wrote their own vows, promised to love each other “as long as we both shall live,” and sealed the deal with a kiss. That’s not what we do.
There are no vows in an Orthodox wedding. The couple doesn’t promise anything to each other, at least not in the way you’d expect. Instead, the priest prays that God will unite them, bless them, and help them bear whatever comes. The focus isn’t on their decision or their commitment, though those matter. The focus is on what God does.
Catholics get closer to our understanding since they also see marriage as a sacrament. But we part ways on some details. We don’t require annulments. We allow our priests to marry. And we don’t answer to Rome about who can marry whom.
The Crowning
The heart of the service is the crowning. The priest places crowns on the heads of the bride and groom while saying, “The servant of God is crowned to the handmaid of God, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” These crowns mean two things at once. They’re crowns of joy, this is a celebration, a wedding feast. But they’re also crowns of martyrdom.
Marriage in the Orthodox Church is a call to die to yourself. Every day. The husband loves his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. The wife loves her husband with the same self-giving devotion. It’s beautiful and it’s hard. Fr. Thomas Hopko used to say the wedding service is like baptism and ordination combined, you’re being set apart for a new life, led by the Word of God into something you can’t do on your own.
After the crowning comes the common cup. The couple drinks from the same cup of blessed wine, sharing it back and forth. One life now. One joy, one sorrow, one struggle. Then the priest leads them three times around the table in what’s called the Dance of Isaiah, while the choir sings, “O Isaiah, dance for joy.” It’s their first steps together as husband and wife, and they’re following the Gospel.
A Path to Holiness
We believe marriage is a path to theosis, becoming united with God by grace. That might sound strange if you’re used to thinking of salvation as something that happened when you prayed a prayer at vacation Bible school. But salvation in the Orthodox Church isn’t a one-time event. It’s a process. We’re being saved.
And for married people, that process happens through marriage. You learn to love someone who leaves dishes in the sink and snores and forgets to pick up milk. You stay faithful when it would be easier to leave. You raise kids together, pray together, go to Liturgy together. You become less selfish and more like Christ, or at least you’re supposed to. The marriage itself is a means of grace.
This is why we take marriage so seriously. It’s not just about two people who are in love. It’s about two people becoming one flesh in Christ, forming a little church in their home, and working out their salvation together.
When Things Fall Apart
We believe marriage is permanent. Jesus said what God has joined together, no one should separate. But we also live in a fallen world where people fail, where sin breaks things that were meant to last forever. The Church can recognize that a marriage has died, even if we wish it hadn’t.
Divorce isn’t something we celebrate or make easy. It’s a tragedy. But we don’t trap people in dead marriages forever either. There’s a principle called economia, a kind of pastoral mercy, that allows for remarriage in certain cases. The service for a second marriage is more penitential, quieter. It acknowledges that something went wrong the first time.
This is different from an annulment. We’re not pretending the first marriage never happened. We’re saying it did happen, it failed, and by God’s mercy there can be healing and a second chance.
Who Can Marry in the Church?
Both the bride and groom need to be Orthodox Christians in good standing. If one of you isn’t Orthodox yet, you’ll need to be received into the Church first, usually through chrismation if you were baptized in the name of the Trinity, or through baptism if you weren’t.
We do allow mixed marriages in some cases, where one person is Orthodox and the other isn’t. But it requires the bishop’s permission, and the non-Orthodox spouse has to agree that any children will be raised in the Orthodox Church. The goal is always to bring the whole family into the fullness of the faith.
And the wedding has to happen in church, with a priest. You can’t get married on the beach in Galveston and have the priest bless it later. The sacrament happens in the Church, during the service, when the priest prays and the Holy Spirit acts.
Why It Matters
If you’re thinking about getting married, or if you’re already married and trying to understand what the Church teaches, here’s the main thing: Orthodox marriage isn’t about finding your soulmate and living happily ever after. It’s about two people being joined by God into one flesh, crowned for a life of mutual sacrifice, and set on a path toward the Kingdom together.
It’s harder than the culture promises and more beautiful than you can imagine. The couple at the wedding doesn’t know what’s coming, the late nights with sick kids, the job losses, the arguments about money, the slow accumulation of years. But they’re not alone in it. Christ is there in the center of the marriage, holding them together when they can’t hold themselves.
That’s what Holy Matrimony is. Not a contract you can break when it gets hard. A mystery you enter into, trusting that the God who joined you together will see you through to the end.
